Dysfunctional Behavior In Children - Three Steps To Restoring The Peace
We have all seen it - the temper tantrum being thrown in the middle of a busy department store or supermarket, the poor mother dying a thousand deaths while her child rolls around on the floor screaming and threatening to throw up or kill something if they cannot have whatever it is that caused the tantrum in the first place.
Most children begin a program of assertiveness early on – about two or three years old, just when you are thinking you gave birth to an angel, out pops the son or daughter of Satan himself, disguised in a striped tee shirt and dungarees.
Children know exactly who to target with this behavior, because it simply does not work with some adults and the little rotters know which ones; they are programmed at birth by the devil himself! The thing to remember is, this child has an umbilical telegraph system straight to your heart. When you are distressed, they know. Just like horses and dogs, they know where your patience begins and ends and they will exploit you mercilessly until you have reached your limit and sometimes a little bit beyond it.
So – the first thing you do is remain absolutely calm. Difficult, I know, but I promise you, your own serenity in the face of chaos is at least 85% of the solution to this anti social behavior.
The second thing is, not to relent with whatever sparked the temper, whether it was another ice cream, or a glass of coke, or sweets or a toy, it is not worth the rod you will make for your back to give in. It is hard not to, when your child is terrorizing passers by with screams to wake the dead and your face is going redder every second.
Thirdly, never stand over a child who is throwing a tantrum; it feels threatening to them, as if they are being overpowered. Kneel beside them if you can, or find a bench to sit down on while calm and tranquility are being restored, both theirs and yours.
By all means try a gentle program of distraction but never let the child think this behavior is okay, because it is not. What you must always retain is authority, otherwise your child will not feel safe and this increases feelings of panic and a desire to behave badly, the only way a child knows how to object with any conviction.
Never shout, never scream and never, never smack.
Jan Gamm writes reflections on life with an emphasis on world travel. She has lived in many countries and traveled extensively in the Far East, the Middle East, America, South America and throughout the South Pacific. She writes for fun and for money whenever she can manage it.
Tags: Behavior, calm, children, tantrum, temper
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